knock down my unwavering ego

Just a couple of minutes ago, I was enjoying a cigarette right out on my driveway when I came across an unfortunate sight: a caterpillar being devoured by an army of ants.

It then occurred to me that I was in a position of power to determine how the odds might play out. In that very instant, I was confronted with two most feasible, likely scenarios.

1) I could just watch, arms akimbo, as the living daylights are being gutted out of the grub.

2) I could physically intervene and save the caterpillar from certain death.

Whatever my choice, I would have to face the consequences that are inextricably intertwined with the act I so decide to execute. 

1) Dead caterpillar(s)/ proliferation of ant population

2) Starving ants and damaged crops (unhappy mother).

As a loyal believer in natural selection, I felt compelled to just letting nature take its course. Notwithstanding that, when viewed as an analogy, would the law step aside in the event of such a display of primal superiority or would justice be served to the man responsible for a brutal stickup. You can bet your bottom dollar that the thief’s actions were justified by his right to perpetuate his living.

So what is justice and how should we lay down the law in the most just manner? How do we know for certain that whatever constitutes justice for me might very well do the same for you? Well, justice is but a doctrine put into play that attempts to provide for future contingencies. In my personal attempt to affect change, I had to consider many different schools of thought: The principle of the golden mean, the greatest happiness principle and several others. But which one outweighs the other with regards to such a situation? In my opinion, conscience has most weight compared to any other factor worth considering. Which would I rather be a victim of? An angry mob of ants or a disappointed mother. Pretty damn complex thoughts. But my answer: Fuck you ants. 

Not breaking new ground here, just food for thought. 

i’m tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here.

Greetings to one and all. Due to the chain of untimely events, I regret to announce to you that I am forced to absent myself for the wedding of a very dear friend of mine, Mr. Sze Jiawei. As such, I have made arrangements for this letter to be read out in the form of a speech by no other than my younger brother himself.

First off, I just want to give a shout out to all members of the Regent Heights crew, hopefully there is full attendance today. All of you are greatly missed and it’s good to learn that most of you are getting on well with your lives. See? It wasn’t that tough was it?

Anyway, when Jiawei first conveyed to me his idea to get married, the first question that came to my mind did not involve questioning his decision. I think some of you may be guilty of that. Now I have known this man for a substantial period of time, long enough for me to discern his seriousness about even the most casual remarks. Jiawei if you remember well enough, I’m sure you recall my words of support to your cause. This is me believing in you.

Moving on, I am a Mac user. Now some of you may be wondering, has this any bearing on the situation at hand? But I assure you that I wouldn’t have it any other way. So out of curiosity, I was on the ‘dashboard’ dictionary widget trying to acquire an accurate definition of the term marriage for me to articulate in the length of this letter. By the way, for all you Windows users, the ‘dashboard’ is much cooler than anything you can find on your OS. Anyway, these are some of the definitions I came across that I will read out to you. 1: the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife. Seriously? Let’s not make this sound like we’re doing business here. 2: a similar long-term relationship between partners of the same sex. Jiawei, for both your sake and mine, I hope that this isn’t what you’re signing up for. 3: a relationship between married people or the period for which it lasts.

Can I be really honest with you? I say screw these definitions and be happy doing what you do. Life is too short for there to be regrets and if it’s marriage you want then it’s up to you and only you to carve out an appropriate definition for it. Among the hall of the greats lies the compendium titled ‘Sze’s guide to living and being happy with onegina’ or something. You’re not too shallow I’m sure you’ll figure something out.

I’m going to wrap this up before some of you decide to doze off. Today is your day Jiawei, be happy and make merry. Let down your hair even though you haven’t got much of it, let out your inner child even though I’d imagine the stench would be too much for these people to take. To all my friends and family, guests to this event, this is me signing off with my best wishes and keen hope to see all of you real soon.

Yours Sincerely,

Evan Teo

P.S. You still owe me money. Just jokes, have a good one people!

— Myself

I’ve always had a thing for beaches. Something about the waves and the wind that calms me. Let’s not forget how cool it makes you look if you had longer than average hair. I didn’t anyway.

“The Strand” was great; one of those wish you were here moments. How are you? You don’t write to me anymore. I hope you are safe.

Anyway, the past few days have altered my perspective on kids. They’re cute only when you visit them for no longer than a day. My sister Kerrie is having it bad though, having to raise 4 kids alone is anything but a walk in the park. The least I could do is to contribute, whether monetarily or physically. 

Nevertheless, this entire episode of my life has strengthened my resolve. I have to be more than I am; I have to be that beacon of hope.  

No man is an island yet having too many emotional attachments may hinder your progression. Life is what it is. I relish upon opportunities that demand nothing from me and yet I constantly crave challenge in my desperate attempt to enrich my experiences.

More importantly, I miss hanging out with the people I’ve come to care for. Spending lazy evenings in the company of alcohol and one other. One of the many things I’ve come to cherish especially now that I’m so far away from Singapore. I get lonely too.

Tonight, however, is different. Tonight I shall sit on the balcony of my 5th storey apartment and drink to my future endeavors. A toast to adulthood; a toast to celebrate loneliness in all it’s everlasting glory. 

But I shall not forget the warmth of your embrace and how it gave me the strength to uptake this perilous journey without so much as a hint of regret. And I smile just at the thought of you. How beautiful you are and how your words affect me. How you raise me up and how you break me down. Be safe wherever you are. I hope to see you soon.

It’s difficult.

Remember her telling you, “it’s gonna be alright” when it clearly isn’t? Remember your heart sinking as you part ways with her? What about your last words? What about hers?

But time never fails to intervene. For good or bad, it always does. It leaves you not with a mended heart but instead with gaping holes of emptiness that cannot be filled. 

And life goes on. With each passing day, your heart aches a little less and your head gets a little clearer. People tell you, “what have you got to worry about? You’ll find someone soon”. Don’t be taken in by their foolishness cause you won’t. Actually, you might. But you’ll never meet another her.

Looking indy. CREDIT: AUNTIE LIM

Originality, where art thou?

People these days spend their whole lives searching for answers; for their niche. What eludes their self-conscious is that we are losing our creativity to life itself, or at least the pattern of it so deeply embedded in our own respective cultures. Back in the day, when nothing was ‘set in stone’ except our ancestors’ wall-carvings, people thrived on the idea that evolution was necessary and that creation is god’s greatest gift to man (not quoted from the Bible btw). This invariable state of mind prompted the success of many such ‘great’ men such as Isaac Newton himself, whose curiosity acted as the precursor for today’s primary source of evolution; Science.

To be original; to be creative, invokes less empirical traits of mind as it does the metaphysical. How else would artists have flourished? Hypothetically, we’re all artists in our own right. Let’s face it, everyone of us is capable of pissing on a sheet of paper and giving it an extraneous title but the founder always gets the credit. Sure we might have a handful of Michael Bubles but ‘he sure as hell ain’t no Frank Sinatra.’ 

Not breaking new ground here, just reinforcing what needs to be. Be original. Walk in your shoes and only yours. The bottom line: find your creativity; find your niche.

— Lord Byron CHILDE HAROLD